Existential Question at Thirty

The tide has just subsided and the coral formation that was not visible from where I was standing moments ago, are now slowly coming into view as the sky displays its magnificent pink into the horizon. It’s such a picture perfect sunset. It makes me think about my all-time favorite song PINK LIFE, for it somehow inspires me to think that my life has been such a miracle the last couple of months and now my faith is again tested as I start to think what my purpose in life really is and what is it that I am bound to really do. Just like these corals that are ever so shyly coming into view  as the day retires, I hope that the corals of my life will soon show themselves to me as my  short retreat is about to come to an end and tomorrow, I face another day, with my questions still left unanswered.

What do I want to do? What do I want to be? What do I want to become? These questions are usually popular among young kids in school and are more often than not asked by their teachers to make these hyper kids pause for a while in an attempt to make them contemplate on how they want to see themselves when they grow up. These questions are even given as homework to young students who are then required to produce an essay or some artistic drawing out of it. Popular answers would be that of a doctor, teacher, nurse, pilot, astronomer and scientist. Maybe these days, the list of things children want to be when they grow up could be altogether different. Perhaps most of them would want to be superstars or superheroes considering the proliferation of reality TV shows and superhero movies.

Anyway, my point is, questions such as these are NORMAL subjects among kids. But when asked by 30+ year old adults, it’s something else. Could it be another symptom of late quarter life crisis? Whatever it is, it surely is a dilemma and no laughing matter albeit its sounding pathetic and absurd, especially these days when the largest economy in the world is experiencing what could be termed as another major depression. Shouldn’t I be very concerned? The practical side of my brain is telling me that this is definitely not the right time to be selfish and to think only of what I want. I should just be concerned about making money and saving money as long as I can. But is that all there is to it…money? What about life? What about living? What about feeding one’s soul and being happy? I am back to where I started and this is not a good thing…

Our society dictates that at the age of thirty or so, educated adults are expected to be gainfully employed, stable, rising in the respective ladders of their careers and for the lucky ones, are married and about to start a family of their own if not yet already.  So what does society tell of those that do not fit in this category? Not that they lack education. On the contrary, many of these folks graduated from well-known colleges and universities and have been or still are  successful in their chosen careers. Unfortunately, success doesn’t translate to happiness. At least not all the time. Many of these people are stuck in a job that they hate or if they were given better circumstances, they would’ve gladly pursued a different path totally the opposite from their high-powered careers or dead end jobs. And what if they did? What if by some magical inspiration, these folks leave their stable jobs or the work that has become second nature to them and for the first time are trying to figure out what is it really that they want to do in their lives? How would society see them? Will they look pathetic in everybody else’s eyes? Will they be revered for being so brave and honest? Will it even matter what society will think of them? In the greater scheme of things, do you see them as being foolish or wise?

Well, honestly, it doesn’t really matter what society will think of them…. of us…. of me. What really matters is how will I see myself and what principles will I stand by until the end of my days.

I believe that life is a blessing. God created me in His image and likeness and therefore, I have the power to participate in the creative process. I can make my own destiny. I can create my own universe where my wishes are granted and my life will be a series of one miracle after another. It’s just a matter of asking what I want, believing that the universe has already responded to my wish and receiving what I asked for. We all can do this. We all can be like God in our own creative ways.

So let’s go back to my question. WHAT DO I WANT? This is the most difficult stage of all, I think. But the moment I can figure out what it is, then the last two steps will be a breeze. 

I must admit that for now, what I really want is a financially secure time where I can figure out what I specifically want to become without having to worry about the bills getting paid or worrying about my career path. I want to write my journey into the personal unknown as I take my little steps and discover the miracle that lies at the end of each road that I choose to take. I want to be able to share to the world my adventures and tribulation as  I am sure that I am not the only one who experiences these kinds of personal crises. My circumstances may not be extraordinary which is precisely why I am wanting to share myself to others because  there are far more of us out there living an ordinary life but with the desire to live it extraordinarily. I resonate with people like them who desire for more, who want to be more, who believe that there is more to life than this. My journey has just begun. Come and share yours with me.  Joint forces with one purpose can achieve a lot. May the power of the greatest being be with us all.