Existential Question at Thirty

The tide has just subsided and the coral formation that was not visible from where I was standing moments ago, are now slowly coming into view as the sky displays its magnificent pink into the horizon. It’s such a picture perfect sunset. It makes me think about my all-time favorite song PINK LIFE, for it somehow inspires me to think that my life has been such a miracle the last couple of months and now my faith is again tested as I start to think what my purpose in life really is and what is it that I am bound to really do. Just like these corals that are ever so shyly coming into view  as the day retires, I hope that the corals of my life will soon show themselves to me as my  short retreat is about to come to an end and tomorrow, I face another day, with my questions still left unanswered.

What do I want to do? What do I want to be? What do I want to become? These questions are usually popular among young kids in school and are more often than not asked by their teachers to make these hyper kids pause for a while in an attempt to make them contemplate on how they want to see themselves when they grow up. These questions are even given as homework to young students who are then required to produce an essay or some artistic drawing out of it. Popular answers would be that of a doctor, teacher, nurse, pilot, astronomer and scientist. Maybe these days, the list of things children want to be when they grow up could be altogether different. Perhaps most of them would want to be superstars or superheroes considering the proliferation of reality TV shows and superhero movies.

Anyway, my point is, questions such as these are NORMAL subjects among kids. But when asked by 30+ year old adults, it’s something else. Could it be another symptom of late quarter life crisis? Whatever it is, it surely is a dilemma and no laughing matter albeit its sounding pathetic and absurd, especially these days when the largest economy in the world is experiencing what could be termed as another major depression. Shouldn’t I be very concerned? The practical side of my brain is telling me that this is definitely not the right time to be selfish and to think only of what I want. I should just be concerned about making money and saving money as long as I can. But is that all there is to it…money? What about life? What about living? What about feeding one’s soul and being happy? I am back to where I started and this is not a good thing…
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