Psychological Confessions: INFANCY

On February 14, 1988, I was born  into this world.  I am the first born in our family. Consequently, I am the first granddaughter, first niece, first in everything. Naturally, I became everyone’s favorite and center of attention. I was always on the limelight, but not for long. I had a baby brother when I was two. And according to my parents’ accounts (since I can’t remember everything that has happened when I was still very young as a proof to Freud’s theory of childhood amnesia), I was so jealous of the new baby that the moment they went home from the hospital with my newborn brother, I threw a tantrum telling them to bring back the baby to the hospital or else I won’t let them in. I was two years and seven months old then and a selfish little brat at that. Now that I think about it, could this experience brought about my craving for always being the center of attention? I have this theory in mind that since I did not linger long enough in the limelight of my parents and relatives, this could be why I have always craved for attention and affection (being the leader in numerous school organizations, lead actor in lays, winning contests and quiz bees, falling for the next guy who is in close proximity and gives me the attention that I need, etc.). I think this theory of mine explains a little part of who I am today which means that Freud was really conveying some substance to his readers and followers when he said that our present problems and complexities can be traced back to our childhood traumatic experiences.

            Well, anyway, going back to when I was an infant, I was always carried around and looked after by my parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, just like any other normal baby.  This phenomenon is a proof of Erik Erikson’s developmental tasks during infancy, particularly pertaining to social attachment and emotional development, which I believe I have developed in a balanced manner when I was still a baby. But…wait a minute! I remember my parents saying that as an infant, I used to cry all the time. I was a difficult baby. Aside from being born with this type of temperament in my genes (meaning, it’s in my nature and I can’t change it just like that), here, I am in the trust vs. mistrust stage of Erikson’s psychosocial stages of development.  My parents were just starting their own life then and perhaps, my needs weren’t always met. And so I learned to mistrust. But my parents struggled to meet my needs and slowly, trust was overcoming mistrust. This is most probably why I have easily trusted (and I still do) people around me. I did not realize this fact alone.  This was also stressed by my parents and even my boyfriend and closest of friends. They noticed that I trust too much, even strangers and new acquaintances that I have just met. They could, in one way or another, hurt me which could do more harm than good.  Well, I can’t be totally blamed for this! Freud will explain to them that this was partially caused by the way I was reared as an infant. And aren’t the first few years of life the formative ones? The degree of trust I got over the degree of mistrust that I formed was carried over to my latter years. But of course, as a fan of Victor Frankl, I also believe that I have the power to put creative and constructive meaning to my state of existence. I can’t just be guided and directed by my nature and environment. I can also have the will and the power to change  the way things are around me by first changing the way things are in my heart and head.  For instance, instead of dwelling at the negative effects of trusting, I would instead always think  that trusting people has done me more good than bad. It helped me form deep friendships and made me become a better person each and everyday.